･ LAPIS LAZULI II ･
by prettiugli
Summary: Atem's journal entries, sequel of LAPIS LAZULI, part 2 of 3[COMPLETE]
1. Chapter 1

He told me to wait, so I'm waiting.

I'm waiting  
I'm waiting  
I'm waiting  
I'm waiting  
I'm waiting  
I'm waiting  
I'm waiting  
I'm waiting  
I'm waiting  
I'm waiting  
I'm waiting  
I'm waiting  
I'm waiting  
I'm waiting  
I'm waiting


	2. Chapter 2

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It's raining today. The seasons have changed.  
How much longer.  
How much longer?  
What am I doing being hopeful?  
Did he even make it back intact?  
I can't sleep.  
I can't eat.  
I can't think.  
I can't breathe.


	3. Chapter 3

Another week as gone by.

Still nothing. Now I'm starting to get a little angry. What the hell am I supposed to be waiting for? He said he would open a portal of sorts, and he left without saying where, or when!

Fuck you, Kaiba.


	4. Chapter 4

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	5. Chapter 5

I  
AM  
LOSING  
MY  
MIND

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	6. Chapter 6

You know what?

Maybe I need to accept the fact that he didn't make it back. He probably died, that stupid bastard. I should've asked him to stay. I need to be more selfish. New personal adjustment: be more selfish.

Every night I sleep, I either am so exhausted I don't dream, or all I can see is his handsome face hovering above me.

Kissing him was so heavenly, I'm beginning to think that it wasn't real. That it didn't happen. I'm not waiting for anything. Nothing is coming. This is my life as I know it, and I need to move on. Move on, dammit.

I'm so fucking stupid.

/ / / /

/ / / / /

/ / / / /

/ / / / /


	7. Chapter 7

So I'll put myself in Kaiba's shoes, because he's a madman, and I'm very close to losing it too, so maybe I can see from his perspective.

If he were to open this so-called portal, where would it be?

And for the life of me, I can't figure it out. When he walked into the palace, I know he saw a few things: the fountain in the courtyard, my throne room, the hallways, and my room.

Or can he see this entire realm as it is? (if that's even possible, I'll have to throw aside the notion of "normal" and "possibility" here, because what the hell is "plana"?)

And of course he fucking left without properly explaining that to me too, or maybe I was just too upset to listen. Probably the latter.

Rambling.

I've narrowed it down to a few places.

The fountain in the courtyard…(Would he have me jump into it?)  
My throne room  
and somewhere in my room.

When I walked through the barrier after my duel with Yugi, I just found myself standing in the garden.

So I fucking went to the damn garden and who do I see?

Seth. And Kisara.

I want to kill something.

KAIBA, YOU BETTER BE FUCKING ALIVE YOU PIECE OF SHIT


	8. Chapter 8

/ / / / / / / / /

Why.

Why am I bothering to keep track of the days? I just do what I normally do. Wake up, go to bed, wake up, go to bed, and think about him non-stop, it's like an unescapable hell. It's somehow worse now. Before, I was just talking to myself, thinking I was being stupid.

And then he actually showed up, which solidified my hopes, and now I just feel crushed again.

What's the use.  
He probably forgot about me already. Found himself a pretty woman, and they've made a happy family, the three of them, him, Mokuba, and her.

Curse her, whoever she is.


	9. Chapter 9

How do I get out of my own head?  
I went back to read my earlier entries, over and over again. It just makes me feel like I did when I first touched him.

It makes my chest hurt from embarrassment, the way we kissed.  
I want to see him under his clothes.

I won't even bother turning the page anymore. I'm just wasting paper.

If Kaiba doesn't send me a damn sign of some kind, I'm going to give up.

/ / / / / / / / / / / /

Do you hear that, Kaiba? I said I'm going to give up!

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /


	10. Chapter 10

What's odd is that sometimes, my dreams feel real.

But this one was oddly boring and it felt like it lasted for hours on end.

I was just sitting directly in front of Kaiba, while he stared dispassionately back at me. Sometimes he would furrow his brow, and other times, stretching lightly and patting his own shoulders…and then it hit me. I was viewing him from the tiny camera on his laptop! What a funny dream, am I right?!

It was like I was in his computer! Hahahaha aaaaaaaaaa I'm going insane.

And now that I think about it, last night's dream was just nothing, but I saw his hand come down across my face, and I woke up very suddenly.

KAIBAAAAAAA I COULD KILL YOU RIGHT NOW! 


	11. Chapter 11

Another dream. I need to write this fast before I forget all the details.

Kaiba was talking directly to me! And I responded however I wanted, and he answered me!

I sound really stupid writing it like this, because I know this is my brain fabricating desired conversation between us, but I woke up feeling extremely fulfilled.

Back to the dream.

I was standing…in a beautiful room with tall ceilings and colored glass windows.

I was dressed in Yugi's clothes, and was carrying a duel disk. The technology had changed a bit, but I think that's just my brain filling in the gaps of what I don't know about Kaiba's toys.

ANYWAY. I had cards in my hand! I could play them, which I did, and after I ended my turn, Kaiba just stared at me like I was insane.

The following interaction went like this:

Me: why are you just standing there staring at me? Are you dumb and deaf? (It's your turn)

Him: why did you just do that? You weren't supposed to set those facedown until three turns from now.

Me: what the fucking hell? So, you can see my cards as well as predict the future? Cheating bastard.

Him: no…no! wait…what the fuck is wrong with you?

Me: nothing! What is wrong with you?! (and I'm getting angry here, because I expected to be treated nicely, maybe even smiled at, but no, all he did was glare at me)

Him: (silence)

Me: (getting extremely impatient) What am I doing here if you're just going to stand there and gape? How about a kiss then?

Him: (shocked expression)

He turned very pale, and his lips were moving so quickly I couldn't catch what he was saying, but I think it was something like "this is being recorded," so I said, "Great! Tell me where the fucking portal is going to be, you asshole. It's been two seasons since we've spoken."

He kept standing there staring at me, swaying slightly before shouting, "Error! Reset!"

And I woke up.

Hey, here's another theory. Is my consciousness somehow being transmitted into his devices?

Well, if that is the case, then maybe I can visit his realm in my sleep, and live in my own while I'm awake. I like this idea. It's going to keep me cheerful for the rest of the busy day ahead.

I'll be nicer to him next time, but what he said implied that he could see my cards, and that's a little dishonorable.


	12. Chapter 12

ANOTHER DREAM!

One right after another! What are the chances!

This is the strangest dream I've ever had to date, and this one was a bit scary.

I was standing in a dark space, and there was nothing. I also had no voice, so when I tried to speak, I couldn't.

Suddenly, everything went white, and I found myself staring at a view outside a window.

I glanced down and saw Kaiba's hand, and it was giant! His hand was bigger than me! And that hand was attached to an arm…and a body…and I realized I was looking at a giant Kaiba.

He frowned at me and asked me why I looked so surprised all of a sudden, and I leapt at this chance to say that I've been waiting for him to open the portal.

He stared at me for a very long moment, his blue eyes unusually dark, and said that he didn't know what the hell I was talking about.

A very typical Kaiba answer, dodging and evading, but I've never known him to be one to break a promise!

So I patiently explained to him our agreement while simultaneously feeling crushed at the fact that maybe he really did forget about me after all this time, and he was just going about his life, recreating little versions of me in his…virtual space.

I don't know.

All I know was that I was smaller than usual, and I was definitely standing on his desk. But I couldn't leave the white circular platform I was standing on.

I stared at him for a long moment and watched him run a hand through his hair, and that motion made my heart ache. He looked so handsome.

Kaiba then looked me straight in the eye and asked me to repeat everything again, so I did, detailing how he had come into my room and collapsed…I even mentioned the strange particle matter, the "plana", and his eyes widened.

"You're from the future," was all he mumbled, and he turned his attention to his screen and began typing furiously. I was ignored for what felt like a good hour before he addressed me again, this time, looking a bit livelier.

"Tell me what I said about the so-called portal," he said, sounding very snappish and rude.

Exasperated, I told him he didn't say anything about it, hence my desperation and impatience.

He looked mildly frustrated as he shut his laptop and threaded his fingers together across his mouth while lost in thought.

And I wanted to continue speaking with him in this moment, but I felt a hand patting my shoulder so hard, it stung, causing me to wake abruptly, and I found myself staring up into the concerned faces of Shimon, Mahad, and Mana.

"You weren't waking up! You weren't waking up!" Mana shrieked, and Mahad had to remove her from the room while Shimon brought me a drink and asked if I was ill.

No, I'm not ill. I think I understand now.

It seems I'm dreaming about the past. But somehow…reaching out to Kaiba in his realm…I have no idea how. But if that was the past, and I just told past Kaiba about the portal, did that mean the portal was my idea all along? Why are my dreams some sort of strange time loop? My brain hurts.

I've slept so much, I'm no longer tired. I think I'll try to take a walk around the palace grounds without disturbing anyone.


	13. Chapter 13

/ / / / / / / / / / /

Look at me, keeping track of the days again like a FOOL. I've had no dreams about anything, as I've just been having trouble sleeping. I shut my eyes and re-open them, wide awake. I've drank myself silly, and am still unable to fall asleep.

The taste of wine is getting dull. Everything tastes dull. I don't hate food, but I somehow hate food now. All I can remember are the mouth-watering salmon, rice, and egg plates that Yugi would eat for lunch sometimes. Meat patties. I want that. God I want to eat that so badly.

I'm craving modern food. There's nothing like that here.

Being in Yugi's body has ruined me.

A list of food I want to eat:

meat  
meat between two patties, with sauce, a slice of tomato and lettuce  
spaghetti?  
a hearty salad with sweet miso dressing  
miso  
miso soup  
fuck I want miso soup so badly now.

Kaiba, hurry up.


	14. Chapter 14

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I cried myself to sleep for the past few days.  
I've locked myself in my room for the past few days and refused to eat or drink.

Why am I torturing myself? They keep asking me that from behind the door, and my answer to that is: I am not doing this intentionally.

I just want out.

I've considered jumping out the window, but the leap won't kill me.

I need something to give me hope, because I'm losing hope.


	15. Chapter 15

FINALLY! A SIGN!

I was being moody, staring at my own reflection in the mirror of my vanity when I saw…writing! It was very faint, and it disappeared quickly, like someone was drawing on water, but the handwriting was thin, neat, and very straight.

It said: _3 days. Say your goodbyes and pack your shit._

It has to be Kaiba, sending me a message. Who the hell else would say it like that?

I have nothing to bring.

Maybe…this journal, but why would I drag such misery along with me into that world?

The journal stays here.  
Or I burn it before I leave.  
If I ever leave.

3 days. 3 days. I can do this. This is easy.

I've waited more than a year now.

3 days is easy. 3 days.

But…still no information on WHERE THE DAMN PORTAL IS GOING TO BE?! Either he's being idiotic or I'm overlooking a crucial detail somewhere.

He's being idiotic.


	16. Chapter 16

Second day. Tomorrow is the day.

I haven't slept. All I've done is sit in front of the mirror, waiting for another message. I'm growing tired of my own reflection.

What will it look like? Will it hurt when I pass through it? Is it like dying? Am I dead? I keep asking that question a thousand and one times.

Tomorrow is the day, so today, even though I'm exhausted, I penned several goodbye letters to everyone around me using the blank pages from this book.

Mahad will never forgive me…but maybe he will understand.

I've folded them into a neat stack in front of me and stared at my own tired reflection again.

I can do this. I will remain awake. I will not miss that portal, wherever the hell it is. I will run across the desert in the scorching heat to catch it if I have to


	17. Chapter 17

The portal has not come yet, but today is the day.

I'm burning this.

Goodbye, book of misery. You've been good to me.

See you on the other side, Kaiba.

I'm on my way!

* * *

THE END

* * *

 **Author's note:**

Thank you for reading this short story! Please look forward to part three, titled LAPIS LAZULI III

Thank you YLJE for editing this piece!

(part 3 will be written in usual story format, and it wont be in this journal-format anymore!)

please leave a review, and as always,

Much love,  
Ugli


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